We need to stop the emotional blackmail and intimidation

I am growing very weary of being bombarded by various groups and individuals telling me how and why I should vote the same way they will in the SSM postal plebiscite. I'm also somewhat dismayed by articles I've read and comments people have made that if their position isn't adopted they will no longer be friends with those who hold an opposing view. Some have even declared they will not even associate with someone who doesn't support them. Seriously how melodramatic and childish is that?

We've always prided ourselves as a society who embraced different opinions and who respected the right of others who differed from us. That is a sign of an intelligent, caring, enlightened, colourful and mature society. But that has changed and not for the better.

I'm proud to acknowledge I have friends and associates within my various circles with whom I don’t share the same beliefs; culturally, politically, environmentally and also on the topic of religion. I've learnt a lot from those people. That has led to some unique and fascinating relationships over the years. Not to mention some highly entertaining and robust dinner party discussions. In some cases I've changed my position based on compelling arguments. But above all I respect them as individuals and I would never wipe them just because we hold different views. I value them for who they are and the richness they bring to my life, not what they believe.

I had two so-called friends completely wipe me because of all people Donald Trump. I was stunned by that. Whilst I am an avowed conservative I could not support someone like Trump. I gave my reasons but I was flicked anyway. If the same were to happen should anyone become aware of how I vote on SSM, I would now consider that a positive. Why? I don’t want to associate with people who would simply shut me out for no other reason than a different opinion. Or to associate with people who want to live in a one dimensional society. A society where to be respected and accepted we all have to think the same and believe in the same things they do.

How I vote is my decision, no one else’s. I will be making my decision based on several factors. I will take into consideration my personal views.  In addition I'll consider the potential changes (if any) in law and what that will mean in the shorter and longer term across a number of spectrums. I won't cave in to emotional blackmail or intimidation from either side; Yes or No. In fact I find that behaviour nauseating.

"You've got to do what's right, or what you think is right. And  you've got to make tough decisions. And you've got to be willing to take on your friends when they disagree with you." Antonio Villaraigosa

That's true, we do. But above all we have to be true to ourselves. If others choose to cast us out because of it, it's their loss.

Women Have A Responsibilty To Call-Out Reprehensible Behaviour

I was told to calm-down over Donald Trumps comments about women. Well, I won’t. 

In response to my last blog on Trump one man suggested I should consider the behaviour of the women Trump was talking about who encourage men to behave as Trump does. When I enquired if he also considered women in short skirts were asking to be raped, he told me I had a problem. I needed help, and I was a hypocrite (I’m still trying to figure out the hypocrite bit). I’m not the one with the problem but any man who blames the victim sure as hell has one. I’m also betting he’s not all that well informed on Trump’s background. 

I feel very strongly about the objectification of women. No female should be subjected to such oafish, demeaning comments as those spoken by Trump. No, father should ever agree it's OK for a shock jock to say on radio his daughter is "a piece of ass". Fathers are supposed to protect their daughters, not support and condone their objectification. 

My condemnation of Trump has nothing per se to do with the US election. To me, both candidates are equally bad. Albeit for different reasons. I don’t live in the US, so I don’t get to vote, anyway. My condemnation (and concern) is based on broader issues. That of the vilification of women. Plus, the hypocrisy and inconsistency with which various behaviours are treated.  

Thousands of women are abused, demeaned and treated as second-class citizens. When the possible leader of the free world behaves the same way, the signal it sends out is, (as far as I am concerned) it's OK. It’s OK to demean women. It's OK to talk about groping them because they are attractive. It's OK to call women fat pigs, dogs, bimbos and slobs because to you they are unattractive or they've had the temerity called you out. Well, it's not OK in my book.

People say what Trump has said is all this in the past. Sorry, it isn’t. Even if it was, it shouldn’t matter. It wasn’t 10 years ago when he said to a female contestant on The Apprentice it would be nice to see her on her knees. What he is suggesting? A woman’s place in the boardroom is on her knees? Seriously, what Neanderthal thinking that is!! 

In commenting in recent times on sexual assaults in the military Trump slighted both men and women with this comment,  “What did these geniuses expect when they put men & women together?” So rather than condemn the crimes he suggests men and women are incapable living together? To be honest, that's as bad as Muslim men suggesting women have to cover themselves because they can’t trust themselves. 

Only last year he took a crack at Arianna Huffington (not for the first time) tweeting, “How much money is the extremely unattractive (both inside and out) Arianna Huffington paying her poor ex-hubby for the use of his name?” He poked fun at her over her divorce. Is that the behaviour of someone who respects women? Not in my book. He attacked her because she stood up to him. 

Of Carly Fiorina he said "Can you imagine that, the face of our next next president? I mean, she's a woman, and I'm not supposed to say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious?" No, he isn’t supposed to say things like that, but he does. When he does, and it's condoned then others follow the lead. 

In making those comments (some in the last 12-months) Trump has all but affirmed that he does not respect women or regard them as equals. 

I know what it's like to fight to be treated as an equal. I’ve been put down by men who think and act like Trump. I know many others who have as well. Why? Because there is a certain class of man who has a problem with strong women. Those men will resort to trying to belittle woman. I can look after myself and I don’t cave into bullies like that. But not everyone can fight their corner. 

What really saddens me is this. We now have a man in Trump. who has the desire to be the leader of the free world who thinks so little of women. His voice will reach much further than the bullies I’ve encountered. But in essence he’s no better than them.  

It is blatantly obvious Trump has a long history of pigeon-holing of women as either just a piece of ass or ugly losers. When you analyse it, you start to realise women with a voice, women with power, threaten Trump’s world view. The “bimbos” he simply disregards with condescending, disrespectful rhetoric. When it comes to the power group, Trump extends to those ladies, no less than some straight-up brutal attempts at assassinating their character. He doesn’t attack their credentials because he can’t. He resorts to personal assaults. As they say, it's a weak man who has to try and demean a woman to feel powerful. 

In the course of an exchange yesterday, it was stated all men speak and act like Trump toward women. In my experience they don’t. But for those who do, then with respect it might be time for a bit of reflection and soul searching chaps. It is 2016. Remember those women you are demeaning are someone’s daughter, sister, wife, perhaps even mother. How would you feel if someone spoke about your daughter, or your wife in a smutty, tasteless, manner? So. I will continue to speak out and condemn it, in the hope society will strive to be better. 

We have no right to criticise the repression of women by any other culture if we willingly support sexism, denigration and bullying of women in ours. Whilst many demand women be treated as equals by other cultures. We are simply hypocrites if we don’t demand the same from ours. We should certainly demand the same from those who seek to lead. Making smutty comments is bad enough. But, to suggest that a woman will allow you to do anything to her if you are powerful enough is simply appalling. Particularly if you have desires to be the most powerful man in the world. 

When Bill Shorten verbally assaulted a woman in a pie shop, conservative supporters in Australia went into meltdown. Rightly so. Many of those same supporters are cheering Trump.  A misogynist is a misogynist, regardless of circumstances. We can’t condemn one and cheer the on the other because we sit in different political camps. 

In preparing a leadership paper recently, I came across a list of how to recognise an  “Asshole at work”. How to spot the red flags: 

• Personal insults
• Invading one’s “personal territory”
• Uninvited physical contact
• Threats and intimidation, both verbal and nonverbal
• “Sarcastic jokes” and “teasing” used as insult delivery systems
• Withering e-mail flames (I’d add in Trumps case tweets) 
• Status slaps intended to humiliate their victims
• Public shaming or “status degradation” rituals
• Rude interruptions
• Two-faced attacks
• Dirty looks
• Treating people as if they are invisible

Hard to argue with any of that and it reminds me very much of Trump. 

Trump in issuing his apology last week said. "I was younger, less mature, and acted foolishly I played along. I'm very sorry.” The chump was 60 for heavens sake. Trump is now 70 years old. He is still attacking women so what's his excuse now? 

I was pleased to see that at least one of the political leaders of this country has the cuts to call Trump out. Derryn Hinch in responding to Pauline Hanson defence of Trump said,  a "normal man" would not do what Trump claims to do to women. 

"The man is a sexual predator and is a disgrace," Hinch said. Hear, hear.

On the other hand we have the oafish Nigel Farge insisting Trumps comments amount to 'alpha male boasting'. Well that's OK then. It just boys being boys.

One comment on the Presidential election. To think this has been relegated to the level of who can be the most obscene is a very sad indictment of society today. The world deserves better. John Oliver said,

"Do me a favour - look up into the sky right now...
Higher..no higher still..
Do you see that?
Way up there, way up, above the clouds..
That's ROCK BOTTOM.
And we are currently down here."

Oliver is 100% correct.

So back to my starting point. I will not ‘calm-down’. Whilst I am free to voice my opinion I will. Just because ‘all’ men behave badly as suggested, it doesn’t make it right. Just meekly accepting the status quo is not in my DNA. To the idiot who obviously believes ‘women are asking for it’ in other words, blame the victim, grow up. 

It's A Question Of My Self-Respect

I have voted conservative for most of my life. There was a period in my earlier voting life where I did ire and vote Labor. But hey, most of us went through a ‘young and naïve’ idealistic phase. 

I support the conservative side for several reasons. Foremost I support self-sufficiency. We give people a hand-up when they need it. But, handouts should never be a way of life and that includes pensions. Far too many people view the pension as their saving plan. Sorry. Going of topic.

Conservatives have traditionally been driven by a set of values where we strive not be a burden on society. We uphold family values and our Christian ethic has been strong. We show respect for the opinions of others and we value free speech. My challenge is, I’m not convinced a lot of conservatives live by those values and principles anymore and hence I am in a quandary. 

What’s sheeted this home are comments from conservatives about Donald Trump and his grossly deeming comments about women. I should add Trump’s deeming attitude also includes his lack of respect for his own daughter. Seriously, what father allows a shock jock to make unsavoury comments about his daughter and he says it’s OK!!! 

Many people state they are supporting Trump because Bill Clinton did worse things and Hilary supported him. They claim what Trump said is just words. Well that's OK then (not). I wonder how Nancy O’Dell and her family feel about those ‘just words’? I suspect they are angry. I haven’t heard any conservatives standing up for her. Whilst Trump apologised I didn’t hear a direct apology to Nancy O’Dell. She is the first person he should have said sorry to. 

Trump was eloquent in his TelePrompTer apology. He obviously had a gun to his head. His expression and tone was that of a man who didn’t believe what he said. He is a man who boasts when you are a star you can do anything. That includes groping women. He is a man who boasted that even if he shot someone people would still vote for him. In his mind  regardless of how appallingly he behaves people will still support him. So why would he be sorry? 

If Trump has any decency he would withdraw from the Presidential race. He won’t because his ego is so big it wouldn’t let him. He thinks he can do what he likes, say what he likes and like a bunch of lemmings people will follow him. There is no way I could ever support anyone who belittles women as he does. I have too much respect for myself to do that. As for the claim his Nancy O’Dell comments were a private conversation 10 years ago. Big deal. His comments on radio to Howard Stern (over many years) were not private comments. Trump has form. 

This man isn’t applying for a Pub Managers job. He wants to be President of the United States. The most powerful job in the world!!! The would be leader who thinks so little of women doesn't deserve the job, He claims, he made comments a long time ago. It was 10-years. He was 60 years old not 18. Now, he claims he will be a better man. At 70? If he wasn’t a better man at 60 I frankly don't believe he will be a better man at 70. Leopard theory at play here. 

So, back to my quandary. As a conservative I’ve always felt comfortable with the values of conservatives. But, as so many appear to have deserted those values in supporting Trump. I’m not sure where I fit anymore. 

I suspect I’m not the only one who feels like they are in no man's land. But one thing I am clear about is this. I have too much respect for myself and other women to ever condone what Trump said regardless of the Clinton’s behaviour. No man ever became great demeaning women and making them look small. No woman worth their salt would ever standby and say nothing when he did. 

Politicians Blocking Voters on Social Media

It seems politicians of the male species don’t particularly like being challenged on social media. Anyone who follows me knows I’m not abusive. I don’t use bad language. The worst that could be said, is at times I’m sarcastic. In my defence I will quote Oscar Wilde who said, “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence.” I will however and do hold politicians to account when warranted. Likewise, regardless of political bent, if they do a good job, I have no hesitation acknowledging that. 

So I’m somewhat miffed when politicians, who are after all the servants of the people, our employees block me. Queensland politicians of the male species being the worst offenders. Although NSW males pollies are a bit trigger-happy as well. I’ve been blocked by the likes of Clive Palmer, Glen Lazarus (that was no real loss and I was particularly hard on them). Tony Burke has given me the ‘red dot’ as has Richard Marles. As an LNP supporter I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. But as both of the men (I won’t label them gentlemen because they aren’t) are there to serve voters, blocking us is cowardly, disrespectful behaviour in my opinion. 

This one I’m particularly pee’d off over. I discovered today I’ve been blocked by George Christensen. Granted, I have been somewhat critical of Christensen over recent weeks. His constant grandstanding, threats of crossing the floor and general ‘look at me’ has drawn criticism from many quarters. Not just from me. It appears Mr Christensen can dish it out, but he suffers from a VERY thin skin when it comes to criticism from voters. If I was abusive I would say fair enough, block me.  The worst thing I have said to him is, it's about time he stopped the big ego over plumped up peacock act. Personally, I thought that was a pretty good description. 

One if the things I have noticed is, women politicians appear to be more resilient when it comes criticism. I can’t recall being blocked by one female politician. Perhaps women are tougher, not so thin skinned. Perhaps they are interested in hearing what voters have to say about them; good or bad. As they say, there is no such thing as bad feedback. 

One of our female politicians in particular has copped a lot from me. That is Senator Jacqui Lambie. Prior to the election l was somewhat surprised to discover Ms Lambie was following me on Twitter. I followed her back. Why? Because whilst we will never share the same political beliefs, I respect her. She hasn’t taken the cowards way out and blocked someone like me who has criticised, her many times. That says a lot more about Ms Lambie and her values, respect for voters and commitment than it does the likes of Christensen, Marles, Burke and their ilk. 

As an LNP supporter and Liberal member it would serve George Christensen well to listen to centre right Liberals like me. For many of us, party loyalty is extremely fragile. The thread is frayed. I like many others are fed up with the grandstanding, the big noting and constant threats to destabilise. It's people like Mr Christensen who are driving the wedge ever deeper.

Respect, Tolerance, Debate

More and more we appear to be losing the ability to have sensible, intelligent and respectful debate and discussion in Australia. That applies to politics, social interaction, comment to media, radio debate. It's all pervading.

What drives this I do not understand. But what is blatantly obvious, it's hindering our ability to talk about  important issues. As a result, there is acrimonious division I don’t recall we had in the past. People seem to vent rather than listen and, discuss and make sensible suggestions. 

I wonder if social media like Twitter drives this. Perhaps it's easier to just hurl abuse and hide behind the anonymity of 140 characters. It's not the forum for debate but that shouldn’t hinder people from making intelligent points. There are increasing numbers of people who access information via sites like Twitter, FB, etc. When I read in the last Essential Poll on average 40% of people don’t know which party is best placed to manage essential areas like the economy, our security etc I shudder. Rather scary.

A recent example. Niki Savva published a column in the Australian this week. The title; Dear DelCons please drop the abuse and play nice on plebiscite. The DelCons went to town on her. Pity really because she highlighted relevant points about the SSM plebiscite and Labor’s hypocrisy. Niki also touched on the repeal of 18C and how the DelCons might get a better hearing by changing their aggressive approach. 

It was blatantly obvious for the vast majority of readers the only intent was to launch an attack on Ms Savva because they see her as a traitor. The points she raised hardly entered the debate. Of the 732 comments (at my last count) the vast majority just slings and arrows. Slings and arrows aimed at her and at each other depending on what tribe or camp you belonged to. Senseless. The vast majority of comment was pretty childish. Although on the positive side perhaps it's good therapy. The venters let off steam. But, for political analysts scanning media to track what people considered important, it offered nothing of substance. What a waste of an opportunity. 

It might surprise many but even people we don’t like (or hold different political, social and religious views with) can prompt us to think if we bother to listen. God forbid we might even learn something and change our opinion on a point of view. I know I have many times. Much to my surprise at times. 

The art of debate requires the debater to present a succinct and compelling argument for their case. But more importantly it requires the listener and responder to listen and analyse the merits. The listening and analysing on merit appears to be missing all too often. Seriously, when was the last time that happened in politics as an example. Hawke and Howard? Just look at the level of interaction between opposing parties today. Only last week the PM’s call for Bill Shorten to work with the Government on their bank plan was met with a Twitter response from Shorten; No. For heavens sake two year olds behave like that. 

If there is one positive we can say about Malcolm Turnbull, it's he doesn’t engage in verbal mudslinging. It's a refreshing change. However, people attack him because of it. The DelCon’s, media, opposition and even a slew of backbenchers. How disappointing. Well, it is to me. 

As an avid scourer of media comment; print and social. I can’t recall the last time I read “I don’t share that view but I respect your position.” The classic response now is, “You’re a RWNJ or LWNJ I hate you.”  Similar responses follow comment to any topic; politics, social change, religion. Politicians from all camps behave like recalcitrant school kids when they can’t get their way. 

We should be able to table topics that concern us without expecting to suffer an avalanche of abuse or ridicule. That includes raising issues like Muslim extremism. People are worried about this. Politicians who knee-jerk are just as bad as those who are not prepared to have the discussion. 

The same goes for SSM. How dare a politician like Richard Di Natalie say he doesn’t trust us!!!How dare Bill Shorten  throw mud at the Australian people's suggesting we are all a bunch of homophobes and bigots. How dare politicians like Derryn Hinch ridicule us over the plebiscite!  He hasn’t even entered the chamber and, he's trying to take our right to that away from us. How dare they treat us like that!

Someone made a comment to me yesterday. It was about the SSM plebiscite and the opposition’s and others vow to block the legislation. Trashing our rights to have our say that we voted for and won. I shared the latest Essential Poll which indications the yes vote will win. I can’t say this surprised me when a poster said this, “yes, by that it's going to get up. What a joke! Doubt if I'd like my name on a gay list if I was passed. Targets for Moslems.” Seriously. But people think like that and it largely stems from the lack of intelligent debate. 

I could go on. But, in closing I suggest this. If we want debate (and sensible, intelligent  debate at that) perhaps it behoves us to act sensibly and responsibly ourselves. That means showing respect for other people's points of view. At the same time we must demand the same from our elected representatives. They must learn and accept that in a servant leadership culture, (make no mistake they are the servants of the people), they have to serve others respectfully. We must demand they do and not accept anything less. When we vote them in, we justify their behaviour. 

It was Albert Einstein who said "If I were to remain silent, I'd be guilty of complicity.” But let's bring respect and tolerance back.